Dating: Ten (10) Tips for Approaching Women by David Wygant

DATING TIPS
Dating: Ten (10) Tips for Approaching Women

Most guys get caught up in guessing what to say; here's what they really should do.

By dating coach David Wygant
Special to Yahoo! Personals
Updated: Dec 23, 2009

What do you do when you see a woman you are attracted to? Do you run and hide? Do you use some canned line that you read on the Internet? Do you stand there in fear trying to think of the right thing to say? What is the right thing to do?

When approaching a woman, most guys make the mistake of thinking too much about what to say. They believe there's one magic line that will work in all situations. They rehearse this magic line, and when they deliver it, they hope the woman will become instantly attracted to them.

Unfortunately, rarely does this approach work -- because most of what you say is irrelevant. To catch a woman's attention, it is all about the confidence you display when approaching her.

Here are 10 surefire ways to intrigue her every time:

1. Observe something.

Make a comment about something you observe in the environment. This is especially effective at the grocery store. For example, if she is ordering a turkey sandwich, ask her if the turkey is good here.

“Make your comment immediate to the situation”

Make your comment immediate to the situation and it will seem perfectly natural. No matter where you are, there is always something interesting to comment on.

2. Smile.

This shows her that you are friendly and confident. A genuine smile not only feels good to you, but will put her at ease while creating openness in the interaction -- a requirement for building rapport.


3. Do not hesitate.

If you hesitate in your approach, this tells her that you are not feeling confident -- an immediate turn-off. When you see her, walk over to her within a short period of time (the three-second rule[hm. thought 3 seconds was for dropped food that can still be eaten :)--Neale Sourna]).

Show her you are a man who knows what he wants and goes after it.

4. Positive body language.

If you approach hunched over with your head down, you are sending negative information about yourself, which makes you dead in the water before you begin. Stand up straight, with shoulders back and chest out, and use a firm yet relaxed walk.

5. Not too fast.

If you walk over too fast, you could likely trigger her internal alarm. A calm, casual approach is usually the best way to make her feel at ease with you.

6. Keep eye contact.

Never be the first to break eye contact when you approach. If you do, this sends the message that you are not feeling good about approaching. When you use strong eye contact, she will feel more drawn to you. With practice, you can master this.

7. Listen up.

Make sure you pay careful attention to what she says. Do not have your response pre-thought out. Women love a man who pays attention to the details of what she says. If you start throwing out random words, she will lose interest fast.

8. Do not fidget.

Fidgeting after you approach is distracting and shows you are uncomfortable. If you communicate that you are uncomfortable, she will feel uncomfortable, too, and will close up. Practice being aware of your movements. Pay attention to those movements, or lack of movements, that communicate comfort and confidence.

9. Lighten your tone of voice.

The tone of your voice is a very powerful tool. Approaching her in a light and playful tone is one of the best ways to start. You could also begin in a serious tone, accusing her of something like “I hope you saved some turkey for me”

I hope you saved some turkey for me," followed by a quick smile to let her know you are joking. Practice playing with your vocal tone with your friends -- notice the different reactions you get when you say the exact same thing using varied tones and fluctuations.

10. Lean away from her.

A man who leans in too far when he talks often makes a woman feel crowded. A better approach is to lean away from her slightly. This lets her know that you respect her space, boundaries, and are comfortable with yourself.

The key to making these tips work for you is putting them into practice! Practice these tips and see the reaction you get. When you put them all together, you will be surprised at their power.

Dating coach, blogger and author David Wygant has been featured on more than 2,000 radio and television shows including Dateline, CBS Good Morning, and MTV. Get more sex and dating tips on David's interactive blog at davidwygant.com.

Dating: Ten (10) Tips for Approaching Women

Why love dating 50s!

Why I love dating in my 50s

By Chelsea Kaplan

Think dating is at its best when you’re in your 20s or 30s? No way! It only gets better as time passes, say these single people. Here’s what they’ve learned… and how you can benefit from their wisdom to enjoy your love life that much more.

There’s no ticking of the biological clock
“Because having kids is usually a thing of the past when you’re in your 50s, dating in your 50s means you don’t have any pressures of getting married at a certain time because you hear the ticking of your biological clock. As a result, I find that singles in their 50s are much more into entering into a relationship for the ‘right’ reasons, and not just because they think they’re running out of fertile years. It removes a lot of pressure for both men and women.”
—Gail, 56, New Bedford, MA

Getting physical is more enjoyable
“When I was first dating in my early 20s, I really knew nothing about sex; I was so inexperienced in that department. After 23 years of marriage, however, I learned a thing or two. What I love about dating now is that because I feel so much more sexually confident — and even liberated — than I did back then, I really enjoy the ‘getting romantic’ part of dating so much more. I don’t have nearly as many hang-ups and questions as I did back then, so I think it’s wonderful — and the guys seem to think so too!”
—Mary Ellen, 53, Bloomfield, NM

The media smiles on older men
“Back when I was younger, older men weren’t necessarily seen as sexy; the media certainly didn’t focus on graying older males as sex symbols the way it now embraces guys like Harrison Ford and Jack Nicholson. But I feel like being in your 50s in 2009 is no longer considered old, and gray hair is even seen as sexy, thanks to George Clooney. In fact, I find that a lot of women in their 30s and sometimes even 20s find me sexier now than they did back when I was their age. I love that!”
—Abe, 52, New Rochelle, NY

Women become more confident
“I love how self-assured women in their 50s are; they know what they want out of a relationship and what they’re looking for in a mate, and they aren’t afraid to ask for it. Life experience — and learning from past mistakes — brings that, I think. That sense of self-assuredness is so incredibly alluring to me; confidence is just so sexy. I’d take a mature 50-something over an innocent 20-something any day!”
—Dan, 55, Portland, ME

A bigger bank account means better dates
“I have a lot more money now than I did when I was younger, so now I am better able to plan romantic dates at nice restaurants or even take a woman away for a fun weekend getaway because I know I have the financial freedom to do so. It’s certainly better than scraping enough money together to barely take your date out for a burger and a movie. I imagine my dates probably like the 50s me better for that reason, too!”
—Jack, 58, Carlsbad, CA

Go ahead and say it!
“When I was younger, I was very concerned about making the right impression and being liked. I used to try to adapt to my dates’ personalities. Now, I can’t be bothered with that — I speak my mind, am not afraid to say something outrageous, and just put my cards on the table from date number one. I find that makes dating a much simpler proposition — we either click or we don’t — and guys who get what I’m about do so right off the bat!”
—Donna, 57, St. Paul, MN

Underneath it all…
“I know a lot of women feel like their bodies aren’t as good as they were in their 20s and 30s and before they had kids, but I think bodies with a little character are so much sexier. To make things even better, when I was first dating, the thong hadn’t been invented and neither had the Wonderbra. Now, though, it seems like they’re everywhere. I’m glad I have the chance to experience dating sexy, mature women in the age of such great lingerie!”
—Craig, 58, Jonesboro, GA

The pickings aren’t so slim
I got married in my 30s, which was incredibly over-the-hill back then. By that time, I think a lot of the good single men my age were married already. The dating pool of single men seemed so small, and I just sort of married one out of sheer desperation because the pickings were so slim. Now, however, I feel like there are an abundant number of single men my age, probably because so many people in my generation got divorced, and many did so around the same time. It’s like an entirely different situation than I knew; there are so many more men out there to choose from!”
—Beverly, 58, Alpine, NJ

Your children become concerned about your dating life
“I have two daughters in their 30s who are married, and now that I am the single girl of the family, I love how the tables have turned. It’s hysterical to hear them give me dating advice or worry about me finding the right guy, just like I used to do with them! Now I think they understand how I felt about their situations back then and why I used to ask so many questions. It has been a lot of fun sharing my experiences with them and getting advice from them — just the other day my oldest reminded me to use protection! I’ve gotten good dating advice, and it’s brought us closer.”
—Shari, 59, Potomac, MD

Chelsea Kaplan is deputy editor of thefamilygroove.com and regularly appears as a guest on XM Radio’s “Broadminded.” Her blog, “I’m Somebody’s Mother?” can be found at www.rumymother.blogspot.com.

---

Article courtesy of Happen magazine, www.happenmag.com.

Who would have thought that Texas, the conservative Republican state, is 2nd In the Nation on Sex Seeking Enthusiasts?

Who would have thought that Texas, the conservative Republican state, is 2nd In the Nation on Sex Seeking Enthusiasts?

While Texas may be perceived as a highly religious and conservative stronghold, deep in the heart of the Bible Belt, it’s beat out only by California, and Florida is a close 3rd in the number of adults actively looking for sex on the internet.

Are we making this up? Now way!

These revealing numbers are reported by one of the largest adult web sites on the internet. The numbers will really surprise you…

If you don’t already know, Adult Friend Finder is the largest sex and swinger personals web site on the internet today with 22,319,717 members. That’s almost identical to the population of Texas which is 23,507,783. Hmmm… That’s a lot of people on just this one website.

What is a sex and swinger personals web site? Well, it’s basically a dating site for singles and couples looking for sex. What many people don’t realize is that Adult Friend Finder gets more visitors every day than Match.com and eHarmony put together!

That’s no big surprise. But what IS a surprise is that Texas is ranked #2 in the number of subscribers to this web site.

Here is the state by state breakdown of the top sex enthusiasts in the U.S., according to Adult Friend Finder:

• California - 1.2 million (That’s 3.3% of the state population)
• Texas - 800,000 (That’s 3.4% of the state population)
• Florida - 743,000 (That’s 4.1% of the state population)
• New York - 660,000 (That’s 3.4% of the state population)
• Illinois - 429,000 (That’s 3.3% of the state population)

Wow, what’s truly amazing here is that Texas - the heart of the Bible Belt - is #2 in all of the U.S. with a larger percentage of the population subscribing than California!

Is Texas shedding it’s ultra conservative facade? Or will the truth remain buried behind closed doors with faceless pictures on the top sex personals sites like Adult Friend Finder?

Here are some more interesting facts about sex on the internet

While it’s difficult to identify the exact number of internet users, ComScore Media Metrix reports 4% of all Web traffic and 2% of all time spent Web surfing involved an adult site.

• According to a recent study by Google, adult content is the most sought after content by users with cellphones. Google’s team found that 20 percent of searches on cellphones were for adult content, while only 5 percent of searches on PDAs were for it. The researchers sifted through 1 million searches by users of their mobile search software to come up with these numbers.
• The AVN Annual Survey of the Adult Industry 2006 asserts that the adult entertainment industry is nearly a $13 billion business in 2006, mostly in the form of adult videos. But the delivery mechanism is changing… Internet sales of adult content, which includes images, live-chat and live-streaming video, has now become the second largest adult entertainment segment, with 22 percent of the market or $2.8 billion in sales.

So, are more than 23 million people wrong? Or are the rules and social stigmas against sex and enjoying our sexuality outdated remnants of the Victorian age?

Obviously the demand is there, but so are the ultra conservative religious extremists and the lawmakers that they keep in their pockets. Which explains why prostitution is still illegal in most states and certain sexual acts between consenting adults are illegal in the privacy of their own homes. The fact that consenting adults cannot do whatever they choose in the privacy of their own homes, without causing harm to anyone, is outrageous!

This is also why Janet Jackson was persecuted for her wardrobe malfunction during the Superbowl a few years back (the most replayed moment in TiVo history) and Chicago TV reporter, Amy Jacobson, was persecuted for doing an interview in her swimsuit. Exactly what is wrong with a breast and a belly button anyway? Really… Stop and think about that for just a moment.

When will we say enough is enough?

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Tags: adult dating, adult friend finder, adult friendfinder, adult personals, bible belt, religion, sex dating, sex personals, sexuality, swinger personals

How to sweet talk her

How to sweet talk her
By Nina Malkin

You've chatted online and over the phone successfully enough to clinch a first encounter. But now that you've got to fill possibly hours of unstructured conversational time, what do you say? Allow us to point you toward some choice phrases that'll work in your favor—as well as some that you think might impress her but will backfire, badly.

5 things she'd love to hear...

“You look amazing.”

Acknowledge (and appreciate) that she primped for you. Trust us, even if this is a simple latte liaison, a degree of decision-making went into that jeans-tee-ponytail combo she's got going on. No need to be too specific; just let her know you've noticed that she looks good.

“How was your day?”

This may seem innocuous, but it shows you care and are interested in her life. Make sure to really listen to the response, rather than glaze over when she itemizes details of a petty spat with a co-worker. Bonus: It'll give you something to follow up on in a later conversation (e.g., “Did you patch things up with that crazy woman in finance?”)

“I’m really having a great time with you.”

Probably the best thing you can say mid-date! It takes the edge off, lets her know she can relax. You'll also get feedback on how she's feeling. Hopefully she'll beam back and say “Me too!” as opposed to a sniffed “How nice.”

“What do you think about such-and-such topic?”

Guys, you're great at telling us what you think, but you can be a bit stingy about seeking out our opinion. Ask your date for her view and she'll be flattered—and stimulating discourse is bound to ensue. Naturally, steer clear of obscure subjects she may not be up on or comfortable discussing, and only bring up hot-button issues like politics if you’re prepared for a potential serious debate.
“I’d love to see you again.”

This is a great way to end a date. It assures that you like her and may prevent that awful waiting-by-the-phone thing women tend to do. Trust us, she'll appreciate it.

...And 5 things she'd hate to hear...

“You’ve really got a great body. Do you work out or something?”

Dude, please. This is way too objectifying and will make her uncomfortable. Avoid mention of any particular body part or anything lingerie-related.

“Oh, I know all about that!”

If you're commiserating, fine—but if you're about to start pontificating, resist! Women like intelligent, informed, worldly men, but we also appreciate humility. When you put on your “superior face,” you’re so not sexy. If she wanted a know-it-all, she'd spend her evening with Wikipedia.

“So I’ve been shopping for a new BMW…”

Such a transparent attempt to impress her will have the reverse effect—unless you hear “cha-chiiing” and dollar signs appear in her eyes. So bag those “I’m a big man” comments about your stuff, your status and your salary.

“Wanna come up to my place for a nightcap?”

A nightcap, huh? What’s next, your etchings? We hear this and automatically think you’re just trying to get us into bed, even if you really do have a full bar and are hankering for a scotch on the rocks. Better to say, “I'd invite you to my place, but it's a wreck” and wait for her to insist that she doesn't mind a bit. Oh, and never ask to “come in for a minute to use the bathroom” when dropping her off at her door, either.

“I’ll call you.”

OK, this is what she wants to hear, but so many men say it and don’t follow through. So if you have any doubt about calling her, do not utter those three little words. Instead, wish her luck on the big presentation she mentioned, say thank you and goodnight!

Nina Malkin is the author of An Unlikely Cat Lady: Feral Adventures in the Backyard Jungle. Read the other side of the story, “5 things guys love to hear,” here.

5 things guys love to hear/And 5 things men hate

5 things guys love to hear
By Robert W. Harris

Don’t get me wrong: In general, men are in awe of women’s date-night conversation skills, which, hands down, are far superior to their own. Even so, though, you gals do still insert your stiletto’d foot in your mouth every once in awhile—or, conversely, miss prime opportunities to make a remark that would raise your stock in our eyes. Curious whether you’ve got the right choice phrases in your back pocket and whether you’re avoiding the bad ones? Check out this list of things guys love (and hate) to hear on a date for the lowdown.

5 things men love to hear on a date...

“Then what happened?”

It’s human: A man likes to think that his life is reasonably interesting. And while interrupting him, changing the subject, or acting bored are well-known nails in the coffin, it’s not enough to just sit there, smile, and say, “Uh-huh” every few seconds. Actively egg him on with comments like, “You’re kidding! What happened next?” or “Go on...” That way, he’ll know you’re genuinely interested versus just being polite.

“That’s pretty impressive.”

Maybe he placed in a local triathlon. Or got a promotion at work. Or figured out how to fix his air conditioner. Whatever he’s done, if he’s mentioning it on a date, he’s most likely proud of it—and if you feed his ego by applauding his efforts, you’ll make him feel like a king.

“Thank you.”

No doubt about it, manners matter—and are sorely lacking in today’s less formal dating scene. Tap into your inner Emily Post, and it’s sure to make you stand out. So, thank him when he tells you that you look pretty tonight. Thank him for paying for dinner. Thank him for walking you to your car. It’s so small a thing, but it’ll make a huge difference to him.

“What do you do when you’re not at work?”

Although a guy’s work might be of primary importance, he also has other things in his life that he values. Does he juggle? Work on his car? Play an instrument? With a little probing, a woman can hit upon hidden passions—and convey that she’s interested in getting a complete picture of him and not just what he does for his paycheck.

“I’d like to get your opinion on something.”

It’s the damsel in the distress call, and it’s pure catnip for men: That’s because we love feeling useful, and you seeking our advice definitely fits the bill. So whether you need tips on buying a digital camera or how to handle a tricky situation with your boss, he’ll be glad to help. (He will be less eager, however, to comment on shopping, knitting or his dating past...but you knew that.)

...And 5 things men hate to hear:

“My last boyfriend...”

All we can say is, why? Why mention that your ex was a jerk? Why mention that you and your ex are pals? Why mention your ex, period? Whatever you say, all we will hear is, “I’m out with you, but I’m still thinking a lot about another man.” Although men like to compete, they don’t like to do it on a date with men who aren’t even in the same room.

“Do you mind if I take this call?”

Of course we mind. We won’t say we do, but we do. So unless it’s a dire emergency involving your kids or grandmother on her deathbed, let your voicemail pick up. Trust us, an hour paying attention to your date won’t kill you.

“So how do you feel about abortion?”

This type of question is known among men as a litmus test—a touchy topic that women raise to gauge whether we’re politically, morally, or spiritually on the same page as them (the death penalty, gay marriage, and the war in Iraq also fit the bill). Sure, we probably have strong opinions. But we’re not interested in getting into them with you, at least not yet. After all, this is a date, not debate club. Let’s have fun and save more heated back-and-forths for later.

“And then I found this cute pair of sandals...”

Granted, you and your girlfriends can spend hours gushing about shopping, shoes, and new hairstyles. But you’re not out with your girlfriends. You’re out with a guy, remember? And same as how we wouldn’t subject you to talk about stocks or our favorite sports teams, please, do us the same favor.

“How do you feel about having a family?”

Pop this question during those first few dates, and most men will assume your biological clock is ticking fast—and that’s not a good thing. It’s not that we don’t want families, many of us do—it’s just that we like to get to know a woman first. And we like to know you like us as more than just as a potential baby-making machine. After all, where’s the romance in that?

Robert Harris is the author of 101 Things NOT To Do Before You Die.
Read the other side of the story, “How to sweet talk her,” here.