How to sweet talk her

How to sweet talk her
By Nina Malkin

You've chatted online and over the phone successfully enough to clinch a first encounter. But now that you've got to fill possibly hours of unstructured conversational time, what do you say? Allow us to point you toward some choice phrases that'll work in your favor—as well as some that you think might impress her but will backfire, badly.

5 things she'd love to hear...

“You look amazing.”

Acknowledge (and appreciate) that she primped for you. Trust us, even if this is a simple latte liaison, a degree of decision-making went into that jeans-tee-ponytail combo she's got going on. No need to be too specific; just let her know you've noticed that she looks good.

“How was your day?”

This may seem innocuous, but it shows you care and are interested in her life. Make sure to really listen to the response, rather than glaze over when she itemizes details of a petty spat with a co-worker. Bonus: It'll give you something to follow up on in a later conversation (e.g., “Did you patch things up with that crazy woman in finance?”)

“I’m really having a great time with you.”

Probably the best thing you can say mid-date! It takes the edge off, lets her know she can relax. You'll also get feedback on how she's feeling. Hopefully she'll beam back and say “Me too!” as opposed to a sniffed “How nice.”

“What do you think about such-and-such topic?”

Guys, you're great at telling us what you think, but you can be a bit stingy about seeking out our opinion. Ask your date for her view and she'll be flattered—and stimulating discourse is bound to ensue. Naturally, steer clear of obscure subjects she may not be up on or comfortable discussing, and only bring up hot-button issues like politics if you’re prepared for a potential serious debate.
“I’d love to see you again.”

This is a great way to end a date. It assures that you like her and may prevent that awful waiting-by-the-phone thing women tend to do. Trust us, she'll appreciate it.

...And 5 things she'd hate to hear...

“You’ve really got a great body. Do you work out or something?”

Dude, please. This is way too objectifying and will make her uncomfortable. Avoid mention of any particular body part or anything lingerie-related.

“Oh, I know all about that!”

If you're commiserating, fine—but if you're about to start pontificating, resist! Women like intelligent, informed, worldly men, but we also appreciate humility. When you put on your “superior face,” you’re so not sexy. If she wanted a know-it-all, she'd spend her evening with Wikipedia.

“So I’ve been shopping for a new BMW…”

Such a transparent attempt to impress her will have the reverse effect—unless you hear “cha-chiiing” and dollar signs appear in her eyes. So bag those “I’m a big man” comments about your stuff, your status and your salary.

“Wanna come up to my place for a nightcap?”

A nightcap, huh? What’s next, your etchings? We hear this and automatically think you’re just trying to get us into bed, even if you really do have a full bar and are hankering for a scotch on the rocks. Better to say, “I'd invite you to my place, but it's a wreck” and wait for her to insist that she doesn't mind a bit. Oh, and never ask to “come in for a minute to use the bathroom” when dropping her off at her door, either.

“I’ll call you.”

OK, this is what she wants to hear, but so many men say it and don’t follow through. So if you have any doubt about calling her, do not utter those three little words. Instead, wish her luck on the big presentation she mentioned, say thank you and goodnight!

Nina Malkin is the author of An Unlikely Cat Lady: Feral Adventures in the Backyard Jungle. Read the other side of the story, “5 things guys love to hear,” here.